Is cookery TV any help?

Around this time of year, there is a plethora of cookery tv shows telling you how to cope/prepare/ cook for Christmas. I've watched a few and they are utterly useless and unhelpful for anyone actually looking for help or advice. There are of course some that actually just seek to help you cook a certain dish. However many of them look like they are doing that, but what they are suggesting is almost completely unrepeatable in the home kitchen by the unskilled chef.

In order to help you understand if the programme you are watching will be of any use to you, I've written a list of things to look out for as 'klaxons' to know that this show is no good for you. So if you see any of these occur, just know that this is not a chef or dish to replicate at home.

Do they?

1. Use a random ingredient which can only be bought online (yuzu juice anyone?)
2. Tell you to use a ‘good quality stock’ (you know, like 1 cooked over 10 hours and reduced to 10% and using a whole veal carcass)
3. Squeeze lemon juice on everything (I'm looking at you Jamie)
4. Tell you anything about aroma other than to warn you that something might stink your house out (it smells so amazing. No. It smells like the cigarette next to my nose)
5. Never ever mention anything to do with clearing up all the mess afterwards (Jamie again)
6. Try to stop you using perfectly good ready-prepared stuff – e.g. tinned beans, frozen peas (pretty much any fad/super healthy chef)
7. Use pomegranate seeds. Ever (even in a pomegranate salad)
8. Claim to be relaxed about presentation before showing carefully presented food (Gary Rhodes takes the crown here)
9. Go on about how tasty something is (it means they can’t think of anything else to say. Which is a worry)
10. Fail to have a drink whilst cooking (The bossman, Keith, showed the way)

Any of these demonstrate they don't understand how cooking in the real world works.